Captive Slave
by cloudedge
Summary: Latest Experimentation: Meyrin desperately needs to know if she still loves Athrun because she knows so clearly that he still loves her [A series of Cagallicentric drabbles. ]
1. ShinnCaga: Twenty Facts and a Love Story

**Title:** ShinnCaga - Twenty Facts and a Love Story  
**Pairing:** Shinn Asuka x Cagalli Yula Athha  
**Word Count:** 1108  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary:** When the much soughed peace had come, Shinn and Cagalli finally sort out their real feelings hidden underneath the turmoil of their emotions, regrets and misunderstandings.

**Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam SEED/DESTINY or any of its characters.

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**These twenty facts are my personal interpretations (mixed with extremely distorted imagination) of what Shinn and Cagalli were thinking through Gundam SEED Destiny.

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**

**ShinnCaga – Twenty Facts and a Love Story**

1. Ever since Cagalli dreamt of Shinn in her uneasy slumber after their first encounter, his face had never cease to appear in her sleep. And throughout the years, the only change was that his eyes were no longer the blazing crimson filled with scarlet hatred, but are now a dewy ruby drowning with cheery affection.

2. Shinn was glad that no one on Minerva grew up in Orb for if they did, they would have known that he, like any other ordinary adolescent boy living in that proud country, had at least fantasized doing it with the teenage Princess more than once.

3. Cagalli never knew why she had reacted so over-zealot against Youlan's unintentional remark. She was glad that she did though, because otherwise Shinn might have never had his outburst and their paths might have never cross.

4. Everyone knew better than to go near Shinn's precious cell phone, so it was natural that no one ever found out that beside his family, he had occasionally stared at a picture of Mayu's idol – Cagalli Yula Athha.

5. Cagalli was not surprised when Shinn yelled at her when she thanked Athrun for rescuing Earth. She was not even shocked when she found out the last words of the dying terrorist. What stunned her then though, was how Shinn said he pitied Athrun - how right there and then, he had already saw the fact that she never understood Athrun.

6. Everyone thought they gathered at the dock to admire the ocean since all of them were born on PLANT, and a body of water this large never exists there. Most tend to forget that Shinn grew up in Orb and thus was used to that scenery. He had not gone there to listen to the sea gulls' cries or feel the ocean breeze that day. He was there watch someone else – some blonde girl who despite babbling nonsense, look stunningly beautiful against the great blue sky.

7. Apologizing to Captain Talia was only an excuse Cagalli made up for visiting Minerva. What she really wanted was to explain to Shinn that it was not her decision to alliance with the EA. Unfortunately, they were surrounded by people when they met, and she could not bring herself to chase after him, after one of his friends ignored her, while the other mocked her with a fake salute.

8. Despite his rude attitude, Shinn had his own value and he is not a man who would hit a girl. That was, until he met Cagalli Yula Athha, for he had fuel his own anger and deliberately walked onto her, just so their body can touch, even if it meant that he had to be physical and break his own policy.

9. Cagalli knew she should not have burdened her secretary with any more work since the entire Orb Government was in chaos ever since Junius Seven dropped. But the sound of his angry accusation kept appearing in her head and she cannot help but ordered her secretary to find the casualty reports on the Asuka family first thing she returned to her office.

10. Luna had expected him to curse and crush his can as usual when she slipped the news about the Head Representative of Orb's political union, but instead Shinn was shocked and dropped his coffee, much like Athrun had dropped his suitcase.

11. Cagalli did not know why, but it was Shinn's face that appeared on her mind when she finally gave her consent to Yuna's marriage proposal.

12. When Strike Rouge first appeared on the battlefield and the entire Orb force froze under her command, Shinn, for one second, had believed that Cagalli's word could stop this painful battle and for one fleeting moment, he had dreamt of fighting for her instead of against her.

13. Cagalli had always preferred carbonated drinks over coffee for her source of caffeine. But on the day after she was freed from her marriage, her finger had none the less traveled to a button under a certain black can. She cannot help but be curious of the taste which Shinn seemed so attached to.

14. Shinn was glad no one questioned why he tried to shoot Cagalli during the second Orb confrontation. He had not dared to melee. For at least with guns, he can aim far and pretend that he missed.

15. Every time Cagalli woke up, soaked in sweats and tears as she remembered how Shinn sank the Orb's fleets one by one, she had wanted to hate him, wanted so much to grab his collar and scream at him, slap him hard across the face so he would wake up from this endless grieve. But every time she would calm down and knew she had not right to do so, for she knew full well, it was her fault that the Orb's army was there. And he was just a solider following his order like her men he killed.

16. When the inevitable order to invade Orb came, Shinn had insisted that he be on the battlefield. If fate had wanted her to go down, he wanted to be the cause of it, for he cannot tolerate to see her fall under anyone else's hands. And if she must die that day, then he hoped he could be her killer, for at least then he can savor his revenge while he cuddles her soft dead corpse.

17. Cagalli had read so many files that day she thought her brain had died and she could not care less about all those old battle reports. But when she had found out it was Captain Tokada record and that he was the one who had rescued Shinn, she had order his death record be classified, and vowed to keep it a secret from the Impulse pilot for the rest of her life.

18. When Shinn finally admitted that he had always clung on to this country, he also realized that it was Cagalli who had held him to this place.

19. It was three days after the fact when Kira told her about his meeting with Shinn, and Cagalli had frequented the monument daily ever since, hoping that she could to meet the black hair pilot once again.

20. He had never expected to see her again after the war had ended, but when Shinn met Cagalli in the memorial, he was surprised that she was the first one to apologize while he was the first one to break down as they held on to each other in a tight embrace.


	2. Mayu Effect

**Title:** Mayu Effect  
**Genres:** Humour  
**Pairings:** Crack, AsuKira, KiraShinn, KiraCaga, CagaShinn  
**Word Count:** 788  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary:**_"Shinn, do you think I can have my hand back?"_  
**  
Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed **

Disclaimer: I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam SEED/DESTINY or any of its characters

**Warning: **Hints of Shonene Ai, incest and heavy on Crack.

**

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Inspired by itaintrite wonderful crack idea known as the Mayu Effect found her LJ.**

**I haven't really taken the time to prove read this so don't expect much. I have been having a tough time writing... so not my best work. But still my first stab at crack fics!**

**Be warned! Behold: Jealous Athrun, Dark Cagalli, Dandelion Kira and Innocent Seme-Wannabe Uke ShinnShinn!**

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**Mayu Effect**

The door swing open loudly, waking her from the near slumber that she almost fell into reading those back filled reports that Kira and Kisaka has already approved.

Cagalli turned to the intruder - half expecting Shinn, since he's the only one who dares to storm into the Head Representative Office without as much as a knock, but to her surprise it was a huffing Athrun who stands in front of her desk after slamming the door shut.

Cagalli raises her eyebrows, amused and curious at her ex-boyfriend's behavior. It's not like you get to see a fist-clinching, eye popping Athrun any day.

"Shinn needs to return to ZAFT," Cagalli almost fall out of her leather chair – not because her Colonel is trying to order _her_ around, but because she never expects the Mr-Mentor-Ex-Top-Ace-Athrun to have an outburst on Shinn. She is almost dead certain only issues concerning her dear twin brother can upset him this much.

"Athrun, need I remind you that it was _you_ who convinced me to let him work for Orb?" she picks up another file from her In-Box, pretending to be not interested at all. A trick she has learnt to get people talking.

A few second pass as Cagalli waits for Athrun's explanation while she pretends to read the report. Athrun stood stiffly obviously struggling with the situation. He has not expected Cagalli to be so uninterested. Obviously he needs to garner more sympathy.

"He... he held Kira's hand. In public!" he can hear the strain in his own voice.

Now that has caught Cagalli's interest. She puts her paper down, giving him her full attention as he recounts the event.

* * *

They are heading back to the office after having their lunch. Kira is about to cross the intersection when Shinn grabs his hand and pulls him back.

"It's turning red," Shinn warns and gives Kira a stern look, obviously upset at Kira's carelessness – Mayu was like that too, always crossing the roads without watching for the lights.

Kira is slightly surprised. He did not expect the rebellious Shinn to care much about pedestrians' traffic rules, but he isn't going to complain about the good change. He doesn't plan on upsetting the volatile youth by telling him that he was perfectly aware that it was safe to cross despite the changing sign either.

A few agonizing moments pass as Athrun watches with popping vein before Kira turns to speak to Shinn again.

"Shinn, do you think I can have my hand back?" Kira ask, slightly embarrassed by the high school girls giggling behind them.

"Not until we arrive safely on the other side," Shinn tightens his hold on his hands and stares determinedly at the light ahead. "I swear, you're just like Mayu! Don't you know how many people die crossing the road like that?"

Now Kira can hardly suppress the smile on his lips, feeling utterly awkward at being on the receiving end of being overly-protected. He stares at the younger, slighter and shorter boy stand defiantly; determine to protect _him_ from the danger of on-going traffic. Kira tries hard to suppress his laugh. It is moment like this that reminds Kira how similar Shinn is to Cagalli. And since he never has the heart to deny Cagalli of anything, he naturally extends his tolerance by virtue and accepts the boy's stubbornness at keeping _him safe_.

* * *

"So want me to fire Shinn for this," Cagalli leans back on her chair. Athrun can be so incredulous when he's jealous.

"He's ruining Kira's reputation!" Athrun tries to defend his argument. "He can't stay!"

Cagalli rolls her eyes, it's not like his brother ever actively tries to hide his sexual orientation. Athrun is the only one who cares about stuff like public image.

"Cagalli…"

"I can't do anything about it," she cuts in before Athrun can press on. Ideas surfacing on her mind as she tries to suppress a grin. "Beside Kisaka has just left with his contract as our bodyguard. He's moving in with Kira and me this week."

"Bodyguard!" Athrun protests obviously hating the idea of Shinn living together with Kira.

"Well, ever since you left to PLANT, I've been short on a bodyguard," Cagalli shrugs as she states the obvious. _Serves him right for ditching her for Dullindal._ "But Kisaka only left a few minutes ago, you might be able to catch him…"

And Athrun has dashed for the door before she can finish her sentence.

_Is Athrun becoming more and more gullible or is she becoming more and more sly?_

Taking the aforementioned contract from her In-Box, Cagalli smirks as she signs it swiftly. Now all she has to do is convince Kira how they should all _share_.

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**Author's Note:**

**Please don't throw rotten tomatos and eggs at me.**


	3. From Lunch to Dinner

**Title:** From Lunch to Dinner  
**Pairings:** ShinnCaga (implied KiraCaga/AsuCaga)  
**Word Count:** 2277  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary: **_A look at Cagalli's relationships, from past, present to future in the form of dialouges over a bowl of spicy noodle._

**Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam SEED/DESTINY or any of its characters

**Warning:** Might find it boring... I think.

**Inspired by an AsuCaga fanfic Chasing Stars by Crookedsmile. An AsuCaga fic, you read it right, I did read some AsuCaga lately... I really took a liking in her style... It also helped that I was introduce to her writing though one of her KiraCaga lol  
**

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**From Lunch to Dinner**

A flood of spicy scent floods their senses, and waters their eyes as two figures emerge into a Thai fast-food joint. The restaurant is packed with college students off from class to grab a cheap spicy lunch. The two figures blend right in with the others, both of them look like they're no more than eighteen. The male wears a simple black unbuttoned shirt over a long red T-shirt with a pair of jeans. A pair of blue framed glasses covers his ruby eyes giving him a bookish look. His female companion wears a pair of tea-stain shades with a cap covering much of her face. With a simple print T-shirt and a knee length skirt, she looks no different from the college school girls across.

The two pushes through the crowd and settled on a table deep in the restaurant. The male tipped the host for making sure they are far from any windows.

The waitress came shortly, and asks for their orders.

"I would take the Hell-Fire Chili noodle," the black hair male orders without looking at the menu.

"How spicy?" the waitress asks, this restaurant is known for its many levels of spiciness for each dish.

"Make it ten chili." Shinn smirks, ordering for the spiciest level, and tossing a dare look at his companion. 

"Are you sure, Mister? You might regret it," the waitress scribbles down the order and looks to the girl. 

"I'll have the same thing," the girl returns Shinn's smirk with an unchallenged look.

"Ten chili too? Are you sure?" The waitress shakes her head. She has seen this happen all too often.

"I'll be fine. I won't back down on a challenge for spicy food." She gives the male beside her another playful glare, as the waitress leave them to their own device.

"I didn't challenge you, I merely stated a fact. I can take more spicy food than you, since clearly you've never even been to Volcano Pitt before." Volcano Pitt is the name of the restaurant they are currently dinning in and it is known for making the spiciest food in Orb.

"It's not like I don't want to come here!" Cagalli protests, as she takes off her hat but keeps her shades on so as to not drop her disguise. After all, no one expects the Princess of Orb to stop by at a Thai fast-food joint.

"Well, we're here, so let's not try to get caught," Shinn grabs her hat and puts it back on. "Because god knows that Kira will have my head if this gets to the press."

Cagalli rolls her eyes, and the waitress interrupted their conversation as she delivers their food and two tall glasses of ice water.

"I have a question," Staring at her food intently, Cagalli grabs the hot sauce and starts squeezing an unhealthy amount into her bowl. "What does it mean when a man gives a girl a ring?"

"To propose I suppose," Shinn takes the hot sauce from Cagalli's hand and begins to pour the same amount into his bowl, "what else can it mean?"

"Even if he's going leave her all alone to fend for herself?" she stirs her bowl fiercely.

Shinn raises an eyebrow without his sight leaving his bowl which is rapidly turning blood red. "What are you trying to ask anyway?"

"Okay, forget about that. What do think the man would think if he saw the girl took of the ring later?" Cagalli takes a first bite, and her eyes shoot opened. She wants to split it out immediately but her pride would not allow it. Her tongue has gone numb instantaneously. 

"That the girl doesn't want to marry him isn't that obvious," Shinn answers and grins at her reaction before taking his first bite. His reaction is no less repulsive than Cagalli's.

"Beside, why are you asking these questions anyway, is this some IQ test? If it is you might forget it, my IQ is above 150." Taking a swig at the water, Shinn continues.

"If that's the answer you're giving me, you obviously don't deserve it," Cagalli rolls her eyes and return to her food. She takes a deep breath before braving another bite.

* * *

"So who's this man you're talking about," Shinn asks and takes another bite; somehow his spicy food is starting to taste bitter.

A moment of silence as Cagalli nibbles on her food, buying her time.

"Athrun," Cagalli mutters causally after some hesitation. She heaves a sigh, she can feel her eyes water up because of the spice.

"Why do you care what he thinks all of a sudden?" Shinn has suspected there was something between the old ZAFT Ace and the Head Representative back when they first met. He just never thought that they were to the point where he would propose to her.

He didn't understand why Athrun stayed in Orb to body guard Cagalli back in the days, and he doesn't understand why he had walked out of her life and return to PLANT after the war. He has always assumed that they had become history some where along the way. Three months past since he has started taking up the blue hair coordinator's job, and not a trace of him bothered to show up in her life.

"I don't know, maybe because I actually have time for a life now," Cagalli takes another deep breathe trying to blink back the tears caused by her bowl from hell. "Now that Kira is also a Representative, and is taking over half of my job."

"You know, I always wondered why you trust him so much?" somehow he changed the topic without himself knowing why.

"Who? Kira? Of course I trust him, he's my twin brother!"

"Kira is your brother?" Shinn look at her incredulously. Obviously no one has cared to inform him.

"I always thought you knew, I thought Kira would have told you."

"No, he doesn't even have the same last name as you. I always thought he had something for you. What with the kidnap and those battles he kept protecting you from. But then, there's Lacus… arggg… you guys are so messed up."

"No, you're messed up. Kira is my brother and we're off topic."

"So what, you want to get back with him," Shinn asked, feeling irritated.

"I don't know," Cagalli stares at her blood red bowl that she's not even close to finish.

"What do you mean you don't know!" Shinn begins to raise his voice.

"I don't know if I want to get back with him!" Cagalli fires back, equally loud. Fortunately the restaurant is busy and noisy and no one cares.

"Well, do you love him?" Shin drops his utensils and looks at her.

Cagalli looks away from Shinn equally frustrated because she knows she doesn't have a satisfactory answer. She bites her numb lips. Her eyes feel wet.

"I don't know," she mutters in a small weaker voice.

Shinn turned her around and lifts her chin.

"Look at me, do you love him?" Shinn looks sternly into the golden orbs, searching for answers. He knows Cagalli cannot lies.

"I don't know, I don't know. I don't know if I love him. I don't even know if I ever loved him," She closes her eyes and covers her face with her hands. Her fingers push underneath her shades.

"If you never love him, why were you with him in the first place," Shinn can't help but criticize.

"I don't know… maybe because my father just died when he asked. Wait, he didn't even ask, he just… tackled me."

Despite the misery seeping from her cracking voice, Shinn can't help but smile at her choice of words. Then memories of his own surface as he remembers the kiss Luna and him shared. He feels like a hypocrite.

"And then there's Kira, I just found out we were related. And I was…" Cagalli stopped, too embarrassed to continue.

"And you…?" Shinn prompts and continues for her. "You liked Kira didn't you?"

"What?" Cagalli try to deny, but it is futile, her blush is betraying her. Maybe she can blame it on the spicy food.

"You know, it's pretty obvious. You guys always act more like exs than sibling."

"Coming from a guy who still uses his sister's cell phone? Give me a break," Cagalli feels the need to retaliate.

Shinn holds back abruptly. And the restaurant's noise filled their heavy silence. Cagalli regrets her words immediately.

"That was uncalled for!" Shinn turns his face away and merely mutters quietly. He knows if Vino said that half a year ago, he would have punched him in the face. But it is Cagalli here, and it is also four months after the war. And he realizes how things have change. How he has changed.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Cagalli lowers her head and apologize. She knows what she did was wrong. What she felt for Kira was wrong. And she can't help but react defensively. Maybe she should not have started the whole conversation, but for some odd reasons she wants to talk to him about it. And she is actually glad that at least the most awkward part is over.

"So… Athrun was a rebound," Shinn continues, trying to revive the conversation.

"No! Well…At least I don't want to think of it as that way." Cagalli wants to deny. She wants to believe that there was something more substantial in their relationship. So many things has happened when they were together, the label feels like it is trivializing their relationship.

"But that's what it was, isn't it. You needed a shoulder to lean on, and he was there." Shinn states it plainly in a quiet voice as if this is his retaliation. "Just like I needed a girl to protect, and Luna was there."

"What's going on between you and Luna anyway," Cagalli asks, glad to temporary change the subject.

"I don't know. I have not called her for two weeks. Last I know, Meyrin told me she has just started dating."

"Shouldn't you do something," Cagalli looks up at him concern and incredulous at the same time.

"Do what? She's in PLANT, and I'm in Orb. She doesn't want to leave her family, and I want to stay in Orb. What can I do?" Shinn glares back at Cagalli, daring her to give him a solution.

"Don't you guys want to make it work? I mean, you guys just gave up because there's a difference between you two?"

"Well, what do you expect me to do? Go back to PLANT, work for ZAFT after what happened, just so I can pursue a relationship which I don't even know why I was in, in the first place? I know she helped me a great deal in the war, and I wish things would have worked out differently, but we drifted apart, and I moved on. That's just the way it is. Dating"

"I hate dating."

"Then don't bother with relationship."

* * *

The spicy food leaves a sour taste.

The waitress comes, Shinn drops the bills and they walk off leaving the bowls which are almost untouched. Too much spice, too hot – it burns their senses and despite their numbing taste, they still feel sore.

Shinn and Cagalli gets into the car. Cagalli looks out at the window, thinking quietly.

"So… how will I know if I love Athrun?" she breaks the silences with the one million dollar question before Shinn starts the engine.

Shinn stops the car and turns to her.

"Do you really want to find out?" he eyes bore into hers. She can feel the seriousness in them.

He held her gaze, and she can sense him leaning close. She does not move away, as she can feel his body closing in on her, their face mere inches away.

She can feel his breathe on her, the smell of mint that he just had, as his lips gingerly touched hers. Their eyes still opened as he places the lightest kiss on her – a mere graze on the lips. Then he places his lips on hers again, this time she can feel a slight movements of his lips. And again and again, from light to deep, her numb lips begins to feels the electricity he sends through her spine as he deepens each contact by endless factions of tenths and hundredths. And she closes her eyes and drowns in his kiss before they are out of breathes. And reluctantly they let go after three last short kisses.

And he held his face, a mere centimeter from her, their nose still touching.

"So does it feel the same as his?" he whispers.

She blushed, too shocked at what just happened.

"No…" she looks away and bites her lips, slightly ashamed, not because of what happened but because she enjoyed it.

"Better than his?" Shinn grins.

"Oh, shut up!" She rolls her eye, "You're so insufferable and arrogant, you know."

He laughs and places his thumb on his lips.

"So, would you like to go on a date with me tonight?"

She gasps; she cannot believe how unbelievable he is. But then again, she also cannot believe her heart just skipped.

"Didn't I just told you I hate dating?" she shakes her head at him

"You also asked me if you still love Athrun, and I think I gave you a pretty good answer."

"Shinn Asuka, you are unbelievable!" She is not going to go down without a fight.

"Cagalli Yula Athha, how about French for dinner?" He knew he already won.

She rolls her eyes, why does she bother.

"Italian."

"Deal."

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**Author's Note**

**Yeah... so I didn't really know why of all the stories I mean to write, I've choose to write this one... when it almost have zero plot... . ; I really wrote this as a character's observation/report sort of... injected with my views of Cagalli relationships through out GS/GSD. Worse yet, it's so damn long... I wonder if anyone would actually suffer through the whole fic.**

**Maybe I should have stick to humorous story... or maybe I should have written my "Sibling not acting like Sibling KiraCaga" drabble... I am also told that Shinn is kind of OOC... sigh**


	4. Immortality

**Title:** The Unborn and the Dead  
**Rating:** PG  
**Theme:** Immortality  
**Word Count:** 645

**Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed**

Disclaimer: I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam SEED/DESTINY or any of its characters

**Warning: **Strange and Pestimistic.

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**  
This is a strange concept that I got when I was riding the plane back from Hong Kong. Well technically only the standing in the hall part was... then I fused it into the Immortality theme and it turned out like this... really kind of an odd fic I think.**

And of course, there's the Berlin theme, which I had wanted to write about for a long long time :) Glad I finally made used of it...

The Unborn and the Dead

_She is a witness to an undying love._

Cagalli opens her bedroom door and is greeted by the unfamiliar scene of the empty hallway. Her smile disappears as she turns to check her calendar. Today is that date – the only day her bodyguard ever request for a leave.

For one day in the year, she walks down the quiet hallway to the kitchen alone, the bulletproof window blocks out all sound leaving the birds to chirp silently. The blinding sunlight draws endless patterns on the corridor – tangles lines of black and white that rivals her confusing thoughts.

She tries to remember the ruby eyes and the curled lips reveled behind her door every morning and the sound of his voice when he utters her first "Good Morning" of the day. The accompanied walk to the kitchen and the reason he insist it was necessary – apparently with the unlimited budget for security, Shinn Asuka still deem the hallway to be unsecured and demands that the Representative be escorted by himself each morning and evening – something even her previous meticulous bodyguard deem unnecessary.

She sits down at the kitchen table and the TV is on as usual. She turns it off, not wanting to watch the news broadcast about the memorial service. Intelligences and gossip travel fast, especially if one is in high position. Sometimes information arrives against the listener's wish. The gossipers love to see her reaction – even if it is the slightest frown of her lips or the smallest lock between her brows.

"He was in Berlin."  
"By a lake."  
"Always watching the snow fall."  
"On that catastrophic date"  
"Disastrous, I'd say."  
"Berlin was almost totally annihilated."  
"Destroyed, I'd say, Destroy."  
"He was there, wasn't he?"  
"He was Impulse's pilot, and oh, the one who PLANT _claimed_ to have stopped that beast."  
"We all know it's really General Yamato."  
"And he was actually trying to save the girl"  
"The girl?"  
"The monster was pilot by a girl."  
"A pretty blonde no less."  
"With shoulder length hair and warm eyes."  
"A splitting image of our Head Representative."

She tries to not let these knowledge bothers her but her head seem to like to act on its own accord. Thoughts and images, memories and sounds wash over her ceaselessly like waves beating on the shore.

_She learns that all things living grows old and dies. Only the dead lives forever._

She and Athrun never get back together. Kira and Lacus divorced two years after the third Orb-PLANT conflict. Athrun married Lacus shortly after Meyrin broke off their engagement, only to form a marriage that lasted five months.

_Experience tells her people change, love dissolves and vows are meant to be broken. Only the dead stays dead._

All the while, Shinn waits at her door each morning, only to disappear faithfully once every year.

To visit the dead – the immortal.

Kira stunned the world when he brought Meyrin as his partner to the first ball after his divorce. Camera flashed on the gorgeous gown and expensive jewels Kira showered her, but only his twin noticed the true significant of her attire- her simple half-ponytail.

It took a while, but the girl caught on. Feeling used and abused, she severed their similarity with a crude snap of scissors. And Kira left her like a kid discarding a ragged doll.

The next day, she asked him why he did that to the girl as he prepared her for another ball. He untangled her hair and tried to set it like how he remembered her in Watflield's mansion and asked her why she allowed herself to be treated that way.

She shook her hair off his hand and looked at him. He stared back with equal intensity. Was it all just a demonstration for her?

"I'm not a replacement. And I'm not changing myself for anybody."

But how do you outlast the dead?

She wants their love to be immortal.

_Everything that has a beginning has an end. Something that never lived can never die._

And so she confines her love for him into the corridor between her bedroom and the kitchen.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you all are not annoyed by my strange pairings. I had barely glossed over the reason why Kira dated Meyrin... I wonder if I had get the idea across, that Kira was using Meyrin as a substitute for Fllay to question Cagalli why she let herself be a replacement for Stella (Or so that's what Kira feels anyway.)**

**I would also like to know how you all feel about who Shinn really loves. Cagalli or Stella? Personally I believe that Stella would always hold a special place in Shinn's heart, but he doesn't necessary love her. Shinn and Cagalli both love or care deeply about each other, but both had misguided reason to believe they are not meant for each other. I wonder if I have got this idea across.**


	5. The Widow and Her Mate

**Title:** The Widow and Her Mate  
**Rating:** PG  
**Theme:** Study of Meyrin (?) Implied A- C  
**Word Count:** 873

**Comments and Constructive Criticism are welcomed **

Disclaimer: I don't own Mobile Suit Gundam SEED/DESTINY or any of its characters

**Summary: **_Meyrin desperately needs to know if she still loves Athrun because she knows so clearly that he still loves her_

**Warning: **Strange and Possible OOC

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Meyrin has not expected her sudden request to be accepted; after all she is just a defected CIC, a refuge so to speak. But when she is lead to her office almost immediately her call is connected, she feels no fear. Never has she felt so foolhardy and brave, other than the time she escapes with Athrun during that stormy night.

She is almost certain she will find out what she comes here for.

But when the secretary steps aside revealing her in her purple uniform showering in the ethereal morning sun, she feels her heart sink.

It is not the light that plays off her golden mane, or the shapely figure that hides so well under the structural jacket, but the mix of calmness and intensity in her honey colored eyes and the sensual lips that curl into a relax smile that shatter her previous determination. Like a deer facing a lion, she can feel herself nervously shifting her weight between her legs, ready to flee.

Meyrin has expected her to be buried in documents while avoiding her glaze or even flat out question her why she dare to come, but she hasn't expect her to welcome her politely as if they are well acquainted.

She gestures her to sit and asks her what she would like to drink. Her casual words are like the desert sun, drying up her will instantly. Meyrin's throat never feels so dry.

Meyrin has come to look for signs - for meanings of her tears when she asked her to take care of Athrun.

"Athrun-san... he has returned safely,"

"Yeah, I saw him on the Returned List. Thanks for taking care of him," she replies courtly, as if appraising for a duty well done. It aggravates her because her tone sounds equally official as it is personal. It just means she has to dig deeper, however scared or unwilling she is.

"...he is planning to stay in Orb, isn't he?" Meyrin lowers her head but stares at her through her bangs.

She watches carefully, searching for hints that might cue in to their situation. She needs to know, wants so badly to believe that they are either over or still together. Anything, as long as it is a definitive answer, so she can get out of this tangle of complicated emotions.

"I haven't heard any word of it, but he's still enlisted in the military, yes," her eyes look slightly concern at Meyrin, as if she's the one that's actually prodding into Meyrin's life.

"He is, I know. And I want to keep staying by his side... in the military," Meyrin lashes out her final weapon, praying to all gods that it will shine some light to her question, for she desperately needs to know if she still loves Athrun because she knows so clearly that he still loves her. She does not want to invest herself anymore into this mess and would gladly declare her crush over and hit both of them in the head if only she can manage to convince herself that they both love each other.

Meyrin loves Athrun, more than anyone she has ever met. He is the whirlwind in her life which sweeps her off her feet and changes her destiny forever. But she also knows his sight is always above her, looking far into the distance, his hand mindlessly fingers his chest where the necklace once was before it was lost during their escape.

She is willing to wait, but she refuses to play the game of monkey in the center with the two of them tossing their lingering feelings over her head.

"Oh, I see," she replies after a moment of silence and turns to the intercom on her desk.

Meyrin watches patiently, waiting for any sign that can bring the conclusion of this painful three way tango.

"You will have to fill in an immigration application first..." she explains patiently as if she is not the Head Representative of a nation and is not buried in mountains of important looking documents.

She goes on and on and Meyrin just stares at her, unable to believe what is happening.

It is not suppose to be like this, even if she does not love him anymore. She should not be so natural at handling her.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispers and she stops her explanation.

"Don't you love him?" she cannot suppress herself and she is not sure if it is her tears or if, for a second, there is a crack in her calm collected face.

There is a few seconds of silence before she replies her question with the same calm and determination Meyrin saw when she entered this office.

"I love my country."

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to," she passes a storage disc containing all the application to Meyrin. "And it's a good thing that you don't have to," she adds, with a kindness in her eyes as she walks Meyrin out the door.

Meyrin looks back at her as the escalator door closes. She feels like a moth trapped in a web and the more she struggles the more she is tangled up, in the labyrinth of pain weaved by the widow and her mate.

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**Author Notes:**

**I'm suprise myself that I actually wrote an AC. Oh well, I blame it on reading _Till Death Do Us Part_ by Jusrecht and _Bitter_ by ohwhatsherface**


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